Social norms, including sexual norms, are socially constructed. They are our collective inventions and tacitly accepted conventions. There were times in European history, not so long ago, when the sight of bare ankles might have sent pulses racing. Today we are less easily impressed. 

Where the Church once held regulatory power over our bonking, modern appetites are rather more readily shaped by commercial strategy. Commercial determinants of human desire vary vastly, spanning from mass cultural products such as music, film and literature, to advertising and – not least, pornography. Power over our sex lives is advantageous for some and less so for others, as in other eras throughout history.

While it’s hardly a social taboo to talk about our sexual appetites, it’s nevertheless difficult to critique contemporary sexual norms without appearing puritanical. As women, we are no prudes. We discipline our bodies, starving our appetites and plucking out our body hair, in the name of sexual freedom. We feign delight at being choked and spat on, we push the boundaries of what our bodies deem tolerable. From time to time, we gasp in horror at stories of pensioners being raped by dozens of men while unconscious, without a single one questioning whether or not it was an acceptable thing to do.

If we were tasked with crafting the sorts of sexual norms we’d want our daughters and sons to grow up with, what would they be like? Is kinder sex still sexy? Who gets to decide? Join us for a hopeful, if slightly awkward conversation.